Ok, i must confess that on Monday night i went to a strip club with greg, it was cool.  I enjoyed the art of the strip dance, the women were amazing.  Two of them could climb the 2-story dance pole and slide upside down with one leg: that takes skill!!!  Greg and I had our favorites, we made them work for their dolla dolla bills.  I entered a wet t-shirt contest with this older woman, but it was her b-day so she was automatically gonna win, not fair, but i give her credit for doing this at her age.  I was crazy, there were alot of hot college guys there from tech, and they loved me!!! oh yeah!!! i got some cold water poured on me, took my shirt off, and gave the guys a show on the strip stage, it was so cool.  They were chanting my name!!!  When it was all over i couldn't belive it happened, it was like a dream.  I can't believe i had the guts to do it all sober !!!! 

Oh, and my mom bought a goat and it had a baby boy.

Peace OUT

As some of you know, i've been having trouble with my relationship.  Its been ongoing and i'm not going into the details now.  I broke up with Greg and I even admitted that i had cheated on him several times.  I guess I thought it was really over, but I just don't want to let go, I love him and sometimes I don't know why.  I tried to be very honest with him and tell him the problems I had.  Many of these problems were ongoing.  I said we need a third person to go talk to because I don't just want to rant off what I think is wrong, both of us do things wrong, OBVIOUSLY.  He always told me he loved me and I don't doubt that, but I've never been too impressed by words.  He needs to show me and I don't mean by buying me stuff, just by doing simple things like the dishes or help me clean.  I don't know if we're really going to stay apart.  Even after I told him I cheated on him, he still asked if there is anything he can do to keep us together.  I can't change him and one big act isn't going to ensure that everything will be fine.  I want to say do this or that, but I know that he really needs to figure it out on his own, if he's known me for over 3 years, he should know by now.  I said we need to be more physical, that's obviously something that I have a problem with.  I didn't sleep with other guys because I liked them, I did it because I wasn't getting it from greg, and it wasn't like he was saving it for marriage.  I just have this giant fear that if we were to get engaged, greg would not do anything with me; kissing, touching, sex.....anything.  And he wouldn't help me around the house and i'd be stuck with it because i said yes.  I don't need sex, per say, all the time, just anything, especially kissing.  I just found out that my mother has a friend who has been married 10 years now to an engineer with depression and they have not had sex now for the last 5 years of their marriage.  That's something I could see becoming a reality and it scares me.  I don't want to be one of those married couples that are 40 and can't communicate and be intimate... like in American Beauty.  I want to have a loving honest relationship.  Even if things can't be repaired now, at least i've been totally honest with him and let him know everything that is on my mind, and that's the biggest step.  I do love him very much, but I don't know what we can do.

Isn't it a beautiful morning, birds chirping, daphney gagging............NO I had to throw her in the bathroom so she didn't throw up all over the carpet.  My one day off! I thought i'd be able to sleep till at least 10am, but no, 7:48am.  Its probably because she went through the bathroom garbage last night with Mikey; those NAUGHTY PUPPIES!  I went to check on Daphers cause Greg wanted to sleep too, and it was NASTAY, i started gagging.  Greg knows i can't clean up puke, but to push him along I told him i'd walk both dogs all day, so we're kinda even. 

It's a good thing I woke up early because I got a call from Mote Marine Lab, saying they want to speak to me further about my resume!!! Which means I'm still in the running.  I thought they might have found someone else since they didn't get in touch with me for a while, but I know how those scientists are busy all the time and I thought they might just be busy.  I dunno, but I'd really like to get down there!!! 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! 

Well, its 8:20pm Halloween night, and as of now we only have had one trick or treater.  I went to the pond today and caught 20 newts and put them in a bowl as a "decoration" I'd usually have a spare tank to put them in, but since i've moved there are none.  Its weird not having extra tanks at my disposal, even when I moved to the kennel i did.  Oh well, tupperware will do just fine....hehe.  Greg just ran out to get the Ring 2 because there are no scary movies on TV like I thought there'd be.  In other news, i'm applying for a job in Florida at the Mote Marine Lab, its kinda out of the blue, but i've always loved it there, and this may be my opportunity to get down there.  I'll update any news I hear on that.  Everyone have fun tonight and don't do drugs mmmkkayy.

SO i'm back in jersey right now, came back for the Hunt, which is a steeple chase race in Far Hills as a fundraiser for the Somerset Medical Center.  There were many drunks, my mother's friend and my aunt's (my mother's sister) friend were kinda going at it.  I kept losing my bets, so finally on the 5th race I put $3 on each horse so that i'd finally win!  It was a cold muddy mess, but when there are free booze and food, I won't complain.  The night before I left to come back I was at work and greg left me a message during my break not to eat dinner because he was going to make something.  When I got home I was pleasantly surprised.  He made fetuccini alfraedo.  I was so happy I cried!!! He actually went shopping on his own, bought a tomatoe, onion some garlic cloves, EXTRA VIRGIN OLIVE OIL, fetuccini, and sauce (we already had some chicken that his parents bought for us, in bulk, from Sam's club).  He even called his mom to make sure he was cooking everything right and it turned out great!!!  Whenever he had to get me a gift, he'd always spend alot, but I'd always just want him to do something romantic.  Finally he does, out of the blue.  I said to him "did you do this cause you're afraid i'm not gonna come back? " just teasing him.  But I brought daphney, and his dog Mikey to jersey with me and he's taking care of our 14 rats and 1 dove named: Pidge.  Mikey is kinda driving me nuts right now, so I think its time for lights out and to go to bed.  Greg has his first v-tech fencing match tomorrow, so I hope he does well.  GOOD LUCK GREGGY!!!  And hopefully i'll get to see my other friends soon; I saw Jen, John and Reicker (don't know how to spell it) their new border collie puppy the day I got back, ie. yesterday.